Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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