my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
