I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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