you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
