she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
