Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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