To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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