If i come over, it means nothing
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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