I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
