Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
