I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize