Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
