so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
