That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
