hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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