hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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