He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
