sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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