I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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