I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
