you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
