Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
