I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
