Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Terrible idea I love it
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize