the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
