cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
