is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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