So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
