but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize