Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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