What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
