its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
