R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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