I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
