Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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