I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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