booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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