If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
