She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
