Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
