Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I am midnight drunk by noon
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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