i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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