i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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