My friends, they love my intelligence
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
