i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
