If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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