every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
