On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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