I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
