Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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