I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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