You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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