lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
