I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
