He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
