See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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