lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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