i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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