I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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