Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
