Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
