Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize