I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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