Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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