Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
