Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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