My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
