Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
