1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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