We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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