My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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