Please don't use social media to get back at me.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize