Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
